


sunlight

by dewshi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dream Bubbles (Homestuck), Feelings Jams, Fluff, Friendship, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:27:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21807430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dewshi/pseuds/dewshi
Summary: The dreambubbles are kind of a strange place to be.---Nepeta meets a Karkat from an alternate timeline and they talk about Nepeta's feelings for a while. Short and sweet.
Relationships: Nepeta Leijon & Karkat Vantas
Kudos: 32





	sunlight

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

CG: HEY  


CG: YOU’RE CT’S MOIRAIL, RIGHT?  


AC: :33 < *ac pads purroudly out of her cave, her ears twitch at the sight of a new pawtential friend!*  


AC: :33 < *she says yes! that is her!*  


CG: OH FUCK  


CG: WHAT IS YOUR QUIRK SUPPOSED TO BE  


AC: :33 < havent you ever rped before?  


CG: NO AND I’D LIKE TO KEEP IT THAT WAY  


CG: ANYWAY.  


CG: I’M A FRIEND OF A FRIEND OF CT’S  


CG: AND I GUESS BY PROXY NOW ALSO A FRIEND OF CT’S  


CG: HE TOLD ME THAT HE WANTS ME TO ALSO BEFRIEND YOU BECAUSE APPARENTLY WE NEED EVERYBODY TO BE UP IN EVERYBODY’S SHIT OVER HERE  


CG: SO HEY! HERE I AM!  


AC: :33 < *ac purrs her greetings!!!*  


AC: :33 < *she lays down on her side and gives cg a warm look!*  


AC: :33 < *then she paws at their hand seeking pets*  


CG: FUCKDAMMIT.  


CG: *CG - EXTREMELY FUCKING RELUCTANTLY, IF HE MAY ADD - PUTS HIS HAND ON AC’S HEAD AND GIVES HER A PAT OR TWO.*  


AC: :33 < h33 h33  


AC: :33 < im nepeta!  


CG: I’M KARKAT  


CG: HOW OLD ARE YOU? CT DIDN’T TELL ME  


AC: :33 < almost 5 and a half  


CG: OH OK  


CG: I TURNED 5 A PERIGEE AGO  


CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE OLDER THAN ME  


AC: :33 < aw were not that far apawrt  


CG: WOW, SOMEHOW ALL MY FRIENDS ARE OLDER THAN ME  


CG: THAT SUCKS  


AC: :33 < dont worry about it!! ages just a number after all h3h3  


AC: :33 < why dont you type in your blood color?  


AC: :33 < hello???  


AC: :33 < are you still there???  


CG: YEAH I AM  


CG: FUCK THAT HEMOTYPING SHIT IT’S FOR LOSERS AND ELITISTS  


AC: :33 < haha youre a little weird karkitty! but thats ok  


CG: I ALREADY HATE THAT NICKNAME.  


AC: x33  


AC: :33 < so what do you like to do in your furree time?  


CG: UH.  


CG: I DON’T KNOW  


CG: I WATCH A LOT OF ROMCOMS  


AC: :33 < oh wow!!! like shipping stuff?  


CG: I GUESS YOU COULD CALL IT THAT IF YOU WERE PERPETUALLY MORONIC.  


AC: :33 < i love shipping too!!!  


AC: :33 < do you watch east alternian cartoons?  


CG: NO, WHAT THE FUCK  


CG: I’M NOT A WEIRDO  


AC: :33 < oh ://  


CG: NOT THAT YOU’RE A WEIRDO IF YOU DO.  


CG: I’M JUST SAYING THERE’S A LOT OF WEIRD STUFF IN EAST ALTERNIAN CARTOONS  


AC: :33 < its fine!  


CG: DO YOU WATCH THRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR  


AC: :33 < the one with troll will smith?  


CG: YEAH, NO, THE FUCKING OTHER THRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR. OF COURSE THE ONE WITH TROLL WILL SMITH!  


AC: :33 < oh i watch it sometimes!  


AC: :33 < its been a while since i watched it though  


CG: IT’S GREAT, YOU SHOULD WATCH IT  


CG: IT’S COOL AS FUCK  


AC: :33 < okay ill check it out!  


AC: :33 < maybe you could watch some east alternian cartoons with me too then :33c!  


AC: :33 < theres one called sugoi quest for kokoro i think you would really like it x33  


AC: :33 < its purretty old and i think illegal but its furry good!  


CG: FINE, SURE.  


CG: ALSO, SOME FRIENDS OF MINE ARE MAKING A GROUP CHAT SO WE CAN PLAY GAMES AND STUFF TOGETHER. CT’S GONNA BE IN THERE TOO.  


CG: DO YOU ALSO WANT TO JOIN?  


AC: :33 < *ac jumps up to her paws with excitement!! she nods yes*  


CG: OKAY COOL  


CG: I HAVE TO GO BUT IT WAS COOL TO TALK TO YOU  


AC: :33 < you too karkitty! lets talk again soon!!!  


CG: ALRIGHT  


CG: BYE  


AC: <33 < bye!!  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]

* * *

_ :33 < so, youre saying that maybe i will have to die to get to be with him? _

The dreambubbles are kind of a strange place to be.

You can sleep, but when you do, it’s dreamless and fleeting. It’s like daydreaming, but while unconscious. You’ve never really experienced anything like it. You probably never will. When you turn on your side, eyes fluttering open, the sugar sand of LOLCAT shifts beneath you. It creates a sort of nest. You feel safe, so curl into yourself, wrapping your jacket more tightly around yourself. The distant light of a remembered sun from an alien’s past shines down on your jacket. On Alternia, you would never have gotten to enjoy warmth like this.

Your eyes flutter open, reluctant against the bright light, but nevertheless. You get used quickly to the bright sand and the brighter sky. In the distance, the horizon seems to scatter, where the endless ocean of tea splits into rivers of red and blue, memories of places that don’t exist and places you’ve never been to. Sugar slips into your mouth and coats your tongue in sweetness. Light falls all over your skin and you feel warm and good. A part of you thinks you should just go back to sleep.

You force yourself up and stretch, arching your back and straightening your arms. You yawn wide and roll your shoulders. Your jacket is a welcome weight trapping the heat of sleep in your skin. You shiver as a cool breeze from your right hits you and brushes sweat from your face. You mess with your hair, twirling it, fixing it with your hands, just like a majestic purrbeast grooming herself. 

As you look around, you notice that this memory is not yours alone. It's several places melted into one world. In the distance, you see red rivers from Karkat's planet, marked by looming obsidian structures and a red mist hanging low above the ground. On the other paw, bright, colorful clouds move above the sweet-flavored sands of LOLCAT. They roll over your and provide shade from the Earth's sun, bringing momentary bursts of shimmering pastel raindrops. Amidst the tea pots of your planet, pink ruins lay scattered and forgotten by time. Perhaps some of the fine white material beneath you isn't sugar at all, but sand from the Land of Light and Rain.

You shake yourself off as much as you can when you sit up. Pale-colored particles cling to the fabric of your jacket. You do your best to brush them off, but with little success. Eh, no matter. It's okay if you bring a few crumbs with you. Nobody will mind! Now, where is Equius?

You remember spending time with him before you fell asleep. You'd been traversing the dream bubbles for hours, feeling the sugar sink beneath your feet, enjoying tea from giant teapots, meeting ghosts of so many new people- eeh! It's been so exciting, being dead. You've met your ancestor, you've met many versions of yourself. You've met Equiuses and Tavroses and Feferis and lots of friends. Then you started to get tired of walking, and Equius said he had to go see if he could find somebody. He's not back yet, it seems.

You hum to yourself quietly, picking at your claws. Sharp sharp sharp. Perfect for hunting. You look around. There aren't any imps or dangers in the dreambubbles. All you can do is relax and try to find something to do while you wait. Wait for something. You don't know what you're waiting for, but there's always this sense of waiting and waiting. Maybe you will find a radio or a bubblecast and listen or watch others' memories to pass the time. Maybe- ooh!

Nevermind that! Some dozen or so feet from you, a small ledge hangs above the hill up from the lake. The ledge is a small rocky outcrop of bubblegum pink brick, from Rose's planet. And on it sits someone you didn't expect to see. Though he's clad in strange brown attire, you can tell it's him- his messy hair and tiny horns, his perpetual slouch and the way he leans ever so slightly to the right whenever he sits.

You can't help yourself. You leap onto all fours and break into a sprint. He barely has time to perk up his ears and start to turn around when you tackle him. He yelps loudly, scrambling to free himself from your grip, but to no avail, of course. For a moment, everything is just dark brown fabric and sugar flying into the air around you as you tumble down the hill, dragging Karkat with you. You laugh loudly as you come to a stop. Karkat scrambles into a sitting position in the sand. 

“Nepeta?” he asks, incredulous and annoyed. His eyes are blank and white. That doesn’t strike you as surprising, but it does send a twinge of sadness through your heart, reminding you of what he and you both had to go through to be here. Here, by the shore of the tea lake, the sugar is damp, and it sticks to his clothes even worse, creating a thick coating of white on one of his sides. He’s wearing two shirts and a cape, which is tangled up with his legs now from rolling down the hill. His face is scrunched up into that familiar scowl, though curiosity shines through. You giggle and wrap him into a hug.

“I’ve missed you so much, Karkat!” you say. You can’t stop your voice from wavering with excitement and relief. To your surprise, Karkat hugs you back after a brief moment of hesitation. He’s so warm, warmer than even any burgundyblood would be. In the heat of the sun and under your thick jacket, it’s almost overwhelming. When he lets you go, you can’t decide if you want to be sad or relieved. He’s smiling despite the crease of his eyebrows.

“Yeah, I’ve missed you too,” he says, looking you up and down. “You’re not my timeline’s Nepeta, though. In my timeline, we all went god tier. You’re not god tier, are you?”

You shake your head. “In my timeline, only Vriska went god tier.”

He nods thoughtfully. Silence settles. Waves of tea crash onto the shoreline. You both wordlessly shuffle yourselves so that you’re facing the vast pond. You sneak a peek at this unfamiliar Karkat and fiddle with your hands. He doesn’t seem to have wings, which is strange. Everything about Karkat is strange, though. You think it’s cute. You chew your lip gently, absent-mindedly, and tug at the fabric of your gloves. “Where’s your timeline’s Nepeta?”

He looks over, a little doubtfully. He coughs before speaking. “I don’t know. I haven’t found her. I never found my timeline’ Equius, either. I hope they’re happy out there somewhere, wherever they are, but I don’t know. ...What about your timeline’s Karkat?”

“I don’t know about him, either,” you sigh. “He hadn’t died yet when I died, I don’t think. So… he might still be alive, if we were lucky.”

“How’d you die?” he asks. You stare at the tea, moving eternally in waves. The wind carries a distant smell of iron and fire.

“Gamzee killed me and Equius,” you say quietly. Karkat nods. “What about you?”

“It’s… uh… a long story,” he sighs. The words come out as though forced. Pain gravels Karkat’s voice. “Bec Noir got to the meteor and he was going to kill… someone who was important to me. I took the blow for him.”

“Oh.” You can’t help but wonder who Karkat saved, but you don’t ask. You can tell you shouldn’t. Silence settles again, lasting for minutes that feel like hours. You etch little patterns into the sand- hearts and spirals- with your index finger. At some point, he shuffles closer and wraps an arm around your shoulders. You tense momentarily, and then relax. You relax and relax and drop your head onto his shoulder. “I… Uh… Karkat. When I was alive… I… Well, actually, not even just when I was alive, even like, now…”

“Nepeta, I know you’re red for me,” he says matter-of-factly, though his voice is undercut with anxiety. You shuffle your legs awkwardly and try to not let it show that you’re terrified for his next words. His voice is uncharacteristically calm. You get the feeling that this Karkat has had a long time to think about this. He knows what he wants to say to you. “I’ve known for a long time. Probably in your timeline, too, unless I was a colossal moron for some reason. I never said anything. I just kind of… tried to avoid the topic and pretend that it wasn’t happening. But… that was… wrong of me. I should have let you know. I don’t feel the same way.”

“I know,” you sigh, though your heart is sinking. You lean harder against him and try to keep tears from spilling, but they come anyway. Little wet drops of warmth cross your cheek and sink into the fabric of Karkat’s overshirt. He holds you a little bit tighter. You realize your horn must be digging into his cheek, but he’s not complaining, and that makes you sniffle. “I’m sorry. I’m stupid.”

“You’re not stupid,” Karkat says, and his voice is so warm and calming. “It was idiotic of me to try and pretend that I wouldn’t have to address it. I always thought you were really cool and smart and unlike most of our friends you actually knew how to deal with shit when it came your way, y’know? But I never said anything, because I… didn’t want to lead you on, I guess. So I just… ended up never talking to you, which was also leading you on in a way, kind of. So basically, I was always a fucking dipshit and none of that is your fault.”

“Karkat,” you say, crying into his shirt. He hugs you with both arms. You sob. You must look so pathetic right now, but he just holds you until you calm down. So much is going on in your chest. Yes, sadness from knowing for sure now that he isn’t yours to have, but relief, too. It’s almost like a weight that you were carrying is gone now. Conflicted, you don’t know what to feel, which feeling to follow. Your head hurts. There’s just so much, and so many emotions. You lean against him.

Your sobs slowly subside. When you lift your head and wipe your face, you see him looking at you. His eyebrows, though still creased, don’t carry the same anger they usually do. His eyes are deep and wide like the ocean even though they’re white like polished marble. He’s looking at you with so much care. You know that you matter to him, even if it’s not in the way that you would want. Your face twists as you try to keep from bursting into tears again and you have to look away. He’s still really pretty. You stare at the sand. 

“I don’t know what to do now,” you say. Your voice is so embarrassingly weak and stuffy, it sounds more like a whimper than words. Karkat’s arm is a warm rest on your back. You manage to look up at him again. He’s not looking you in the eyes anymore, just staring at the edge of the water. He blinks, batting his long lashes. His hair is messy. It looks like he hasn’t brushed it in perigees. His face is soft and round. It’s almost strikingly similar to your own reflection. This close to him, you can see every faint scar on his face and on the back of his hand from weeks of ceaseless fighting.

“Me neither,” he admits, voice gravelly. “If you don’t want to be around me, I’m okay with that. I get it. If you’re pissed at me, I get that too. You have the right to despise my ass. Platonically. I’m just… sorry I can’t… feel the same way about you that you do about me. I want you to be happy, but… I can’t date you just because, y’know? So… If you’d rather I’m not around at all, I can leave.”

“I don’t want you to leave,” you say, shaking your head rapidly. He looks at you, mouth slightly ajar. His blank eyes are glassy, glazed over with a faint pink tint. You find it in yourself to smile a little bit - though maybe it looks more like a twisting of your face, trying to keep the tears back - and you hug him again tightly, pressing your face in his shoulder. He makes a little grunting noise of surprise, but doesn’t move his arm from your back. “I don’t care if you don’t like me back. You’re my friend forever.”

He laughs. When you look up, you find that a few tears are rolling down his cheeks, too. He rubs at his face harshly to brush them away, biting his lip. Then he looks at you, smiling with his eyebrows coming back to that familiar angry scowl. “You’re my friend forever too.”

You laugh into the collar of his cape and hold him tight. His arms wrap around you again. It’s nice. The quiet is only broken by waves crashing against the shore. He’s warm as the sun.

**Author's Note:**

> _Old friend, I  
>  think of you still sometimes  
> Sure as the river bends  
> Sure as the river bending  
> into the light_   
> 


End file.
